I stumbled upon these while searching the we, quite funny here are a few:


The proliferation of modern programming languages (all of which seem to have stolen countless features from one another) sometimes makes it difficult to remember what language you're currently using. This guide is offered as a public service to help programmers who find themselves in such dilemmas.

C
You shoot yourself in the foot.
C++
You accidently create a dozen instances of yourself and shoot them all in the foot. Providing emergency MEDICAL assistance is impossible since you can't tell which are bitwise copies and which are just pointing at others and saying "That's me, over there."
FORTRAN
You shoot yourself in each toe, iteratively, until you run out of toes, then you read in the next foot and repeat. If you run out of bullets, you continue anyway because you have no exception-handling facility.
Modula-2
After realizing that you can't actually accomplish anything in this language, you shoot yourself in the head.
COBOL
USEing a COLT 45 HANDGUN, AIM gun at LEG.FOOT, THEN place ARM.HAND.FINGER on HANDGUN.TRIGGER and SQUEEZE. THEN return HANDGUN to HOLSTER. CHECK whether shoelace NEEDS to be retied.
Lisp
You shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds...
BASIC
Shoot yourself in the foot with a water pistol. On big systems, continue until entire lower body is waterlogged.
Forth
Foot yourself in the shoot.
APL
You shoot yourself in the foot; then spend all day figuring out how to do it in fewer characters.
Pascal
The compiler won't let you shoot yourself in the foot.
Snobol
If you succeed, shoot yourself in the left foot. If you fail, shoot yourself in the right foot.
HyperTalk
Put the first bullet of the gun into foot left of leg of you. Answer the result.
Prolog
You tell your program you want to be shot in the foot. The program figures out how to do it, but the syntax doesn't allow it to explain.
370 JCL
You send your foot down to MIS with a 4000-page document explaining how you want it to be shot. Three years later, your foot comes back deep-fried.


The rest are here:
http://www-users.cs.york.ac.uk/~susan/joke/foot.htmHeh, very interesting

Only language I remotely know is QBASIC, yet, it still works today, even on Vista : P


I removed the code /code tags from your post, since the post went far far over the page.
(Moved to Off Topic as well) That IS funny! Thanks for sharing! Hah!

MSDOS
You shoot yourself in the foot, but can unshoot yourself with add-on software. Nah!

In the old days, MS-DOS allowed you to shoot yourself in the foot, but one could usually extract the bullet, and patch up the foot quite nicely.besides... MS-DOS isn't a programming language but a programming environment.


There are some quotes that could almost come off as jokes- until you realize they are true.

Quote

The generation of random numbers is too important to be left to chance.

Programmer produces code he believes is bug-free. Product is tested. 20 BUGS are found. Programmer fixes 10 of the bugs and explains to the testing department that the other 10 aren't really bugs. Testing department finds that five of the fixes didn't work and discovers 15 new bugs. Repeat three times steps 3 and 4. Due to marketing pressure and an extremely premature product announcement based on overly-optimistic programming schedule, the product is released. Users find 137 new bugs. Original programmer, having cashed his royalty check, is nowhere to be found. Newly-assembled programming team fixes almost all of the 137 bugs, but introduce 456 new ones. Original programmer sends underpaid testing department a postcard from Fiji. Entire testing department quits. Company is bought in a hostile takeover by competitor using profits from their latest release, which had 783 bugs. New CEO is brought in by BOARD of directors. He hires a programmer to redo program from scratch. Programmer produces code he believes is bug-free...

At a recent software engineering management course in the U.S., the PARTICIPANTS were given an awkward question to answer. "If you had just boarded an airliner and discovered that your team of programmers had been responsible for the flight control software, how many of you would disembark immediately?"

Among the ensuing forest of raised hands, only one man sat motionless. When asked what he would do, he replied that he would be quite content to stay onboard.

"With my team's software," he said, "the plane would be unlikely to even taxi as far as the runway, let alone take off."